Queer ‘Two Spirit’ Shamans

Part of my ‘Spiritual Journey’ has been dealing with the word SHAMAN in application to myself. In 2004 I was asked to speak at a weekend conference on BREATHWORK in Milan Italy. I did my slot on Gay Relationships ( the term queer not used then ), in fact I had great problems using the term GAY to a heterosexual Italian crowd, they preferred ‘homosexual’ still believing it was a mental illness – but must push on . . . 

The next speaker, topping the bill, was a spanish woman, who I had met at other conferences, seen as quite unbalanced by this conservative crowd, suddenly asking ME without discussion, fuming at my reception, to assist in her Shamanic feather waving ceremony. I was commanded to hold the feathers!

I was a bit shocked and frankly embarrassed, but then she proceeded to totally demolish listeners by stating ( out of the blue ) I WAS A SHAMAN, an URBAN QUEER SHAMEN, someone who had healed himself from addictions and long held chronic disease. THAT SHUT THEM UP. 

It has taken me 20 years to accept it finally, that my somatic breathwork work is SHAMANIC. It’s a recent conclusion so I’m putting it out there as fact, as I am late to the party with over 35 years experience in assisting others to heal themselves. I am now over 42 years clean & sober too, and a phrase I picked up over the years in recovery rooms is ” you can’t give away what you haven’t got!”. EXPERIENCE is GOLD – with or without feathers.

A “Queer Two Spirit Shaman” refers to a Native American individual who embodies both masculine and feminine spiritual qualities, often taking on a role as a healer or spiritual leader within their community, and whose gender identity falls outside of the Western binary, historically described using the term “berdache” by Europeans, now considered outdated and often offensive; “Two Spirit” is the preferred term used by Indigenous people to describe this identity. 

Key points about this term:

  • “Two Spirit”:This is the contemporary, respectful term used by Indigenous people to describe individuals who embody both masculine and feminine spirits, often associated with special spiritual roles like shamanism. 
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  • “Berdache”:This term, originating from French, was used by European anthropologists to describe Native American people who did not conform to Western gender norms, but is now considered derogatory and should be avoided. 
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  • Shamanistic role:Historically, Two Spirit individuals often held significant spiritual positions within their tribes, acting as healers, visionaries, and ceremonial leaders. 
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  • Queer identity:“Queer” in this context encompasses the non-heteronormative aspects of a Two Spirit person’s gender identity and sexual orientation. 

Having said all that – Coaching, Life Audit and ‘Conscious Connected’  Rebirthing Breathwork that I provide – does NOT include feathers, ceremonies, ‘shrooms, ayahuasca, cacao or any mood altering substance. 

As alternative, Somatic Shamanic Breathwork I practice gets you high, ( like coming up on E – I keep hearing ) spiritually connected with safe emotional release of anxiety, depressions and blocked potentials. No Drumwork or talking sticks either. Specialised Practitioners do that so much better than me.

Antony Hegarty, of Antony & the Johnsons is a fan of the book The Spirit and the Flesh. He asked its author, Walter L Williams, to write a feature for guardian.co.uk/music on the ‘two-spirit’ tradition in Native American culture 

https://www.theguardian.com/music/2010/oct/11/two-spirit-people-north-america

What does “Queer” and “Genderqueer” mean?

Although the term “queer” has been around for a while, the perception and meaning has evolved as of late. 

What does “Queer” mean? Why are younger generations reclaiming the word Queer?

What does “Queer” and “Genderqueer” mean?

“Queer” has been adopted as an all-encompassing term for those who do not identify as straight or cisgender, but prefer not to use a more specific term.  With regard to gender identity, the term “gender queer” is synonymous to “not cisgender”. 

Why is the history of the term  “Queer” so significant?

Some feel the term “queer” cannot be its history. The term used to be considered a slur towards gay men or those otherwise “sexually deviant”, stemming from the original definition of “strange”. 

Now, “queer” has become a symbol of defiance and empowerment, and more and more, it is becoming a political statement of their own agency. With its many definitions, “queer” evades exclusivity. Once used as a slur to ostracize, the term is now  reclaimed to bring together a community of people who identify with it. It can also be used interchangeably with “LGBTQ+”, a term sometimes seen as too wordy to use as an overarching identifier.

Why are younger generations reclaiming Queer?

What does it mean for a slur to be reclaimed? 

“Reclamation is a form of socio-political protest that seeks to re-shape oppressive social practices by controlling what can be done with words.” – Popa-Wyatt

With pithy catchphrases on Pride posters like “We’re here, we’re queer”, the word has been reclaimed by many in the LGBTQ+ community, especially youth. 

Reclamation should not be seen as disregarding the history of the term, but a way of evolving with our language.

Politics of Queer 

“Queer” can be seen a political movement, against its use as a slur and its perception of a stagnant identity. Author José Esteban Muñoz once said,“Queerness is an ideality…we can feel it as the warm illumination of a horizon imbued with potentiality” (Cruising Utopia: The Then and There of Queer Futurity). Queerness is a potential and a future, not something that is stagnant. 

It can also bring together those of different experiences into not one identity, but instead one community defying heteronormativity.  In the book Keywords For Gender and Sexuality Studies, author Chandan Reddy sheds light on political usage of queer. Queer is claimed by “[t]hose who seek more to disturb, shatter, or undermine the heteronormative cultural order than to be included or represented by that culture and order especially claim the term”. 

What Queer brings to the community

For many, the term Queer is a resistance to the pressure to conform or categorize to one identity. Some people might think that this sounds counterintuitive: use a term to not use a term? Queer is often used as an umbrella meant to catch those not aligning with the specificity of many commonly used terms. It resists identifying self, and instead identifies community. This reflection of belonging to community reflects the importance of accepting the multi-faceted nature of a word like queer. 

Queer has become a symbol of defiance: both an acknowledgement of the community’s history, and a nod to disruption of heteronormativity. But ultimately, it has become a symbol of the LGBTQ+ community’s unity and resilience. 

Sources

The New Woman: Literary Modernism, Queer Theory, and the Trans Feminine Allegoryby Emma Heaney

Cruising Utopia: The Then and There of Queer Futurity by José Esteban Muñoz

Messy

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The walk of shame after a party period, especially if you can’t remember it, is not a good look, is it. Smeared slap, lost phones and a trip to Club Drug Clinic may be in order of the wake up. Time Out called me ‘Clubland’s Therapist’ in 2000, my millennium accolade. So if you need a chem check, booze check, lifestyle check or still resentful after a relationship ended several moons ago maybe it’s time to check into COACHING. #chems #booze #alcoholism#codependency #blackouts #lifeaudit #lifecoaching #gaylifecoach #gayfollow#instagay #gayboy #lgbt #gaylondon #gayskype #gaymen #homo#gaystagram #gaypersonalgrowth #addictions #gaylifestyle #gayrelationships 

 

LOVE can be BLIND. SEEK HELP. OPEN YOUR EYES.

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Pulling wool over your eyes is the mask of a Narcissist partner. A few clues : Self-centred conversations, ME ME ME, No boundaries, CONTROLLER, Grandiose Personality, double messages, negative emotions, manipulative and a constant complainer. Often about you. LOVE can be BLIND. SEEK HELP. OPEN YOUR EYES. #relationships #codependency #lowesteem #depression #entrapment #manipulation #heldhostage #lgbtq #lgbt #instagay #gaylove #gayrelationships #homo #gaymen #personalgrowth #coaching #healthyrelationships

Comedown Tuesday

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Spending a pinned weekend clubbing, slamming and chemsexing you don’t see much light. Except perhaps for a lighter wallet, another lost phone and emotional disarray. Not a good look if you miss Monday in the workplace either. Get help, cut down, detox and make changes and see the LIGHT switch. #chems #gaylondon #gaycoaching #LGBT #clubbing #slamming #tina #gaylifestyle #gaymen #instagay #gayguy #detox 

#COMEDOWN

When drinking partners become your problem.

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Snogging another woman doesn’t always indicate lesbianism but research has shown ( PACE UK ) that lesbians have a higher propensity to snog a bottle of booze, percentage wise than straight women, while other research has suggested that this applies to all LGBTQ 🏳️‍🌈 peeps. Alcohol dependency before it becomes alcoholism can be just as troubling especially for family, partner or friends, however, seeking support around codependency issues can be a starting gun for change. #lgbtq #alcohol #alcoholism#alcoholic #alcoholabuse #chems#codependency #recovery #samesexcouple#samesexattraction #lesbian#lesbianskissing #relationshipgoals#recovery #cuttingdown

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https://www.app.com/story/life/wellness/2015/06/15/lesbians-alcohol-abuse/71257832/

Sunday October 1st. One Day Breathwork Seminar – London (Belgravia/Victoria) 11am-7pm . . Prosper. Manage. Grow.

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Welcome to anyone LGBTQ to this Seminar, the facilitators, team members and many participants are in the LGBTQ tribe so sharing openly and honestly without judgement is easy and beneficial.

Led by Professional Trainers / Breathworkers David Parker and Luisa Bradshaw.

https://urbanlifeclass.me/theteam/parker/    https://urbanlifeclass.me/luisa-bradshaw-breathwork-practitioner-team-co-leader/

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Are you living in the PROBLEM?

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or the ANSWER!  . . Overcome limiting thoughts and patterns that sabotage your prosperity

scarcity

Scarcity Consciousness is an element of Codependency, escalating into lower esteem, unhealthy choices, toxic relationships and NOT GOOD ENOUGH mindsets. 

It’s easy to see codependency only as an issue with personal human relationships, when in fact ALL Relationships are affected by fear based SCARCITY, SURVIVAL &  FEAR . . . Your relationships with money, work, social interaction and expanding friendships are just as affected, so working on LOVING YOURSELF is a major gift.

BREATHWORK offers you the perfect opportunity to resolve these issues.

JOIN US at the very sensible time of 11am – 7pm perfect for late risers, out-of-towners and party peeps at our VENUE just a 5 min walk from VICTORIA STATION LONDON. http://www.lightcentrebelgravia.co.uk

WELCOME if you are new to Personal Development, Groupwork or Breathwork. We don’t do special languages, New Age stuff or talking sticks. Other groups do those things so much better than us. We are just a bunch of creative people willing to change habits, addictions and depleting toxic relationships from our lives. If you are new, one of our team can contact you if you wish to answer questions. We don’t sell anything, or sign anyone up, we leave the choice up to you. You don’t need to be Creative, just willing to check out your life and how you can change the impact of all your relationships.

10501688_302332539936610_6051405388470842940_n£70 for the whole day including a GROUP REBIRTH SESSION ( Some concessions are available for £50 if you are already on our list. Delayed/part payment will be individually considered. Paypal to codacoach@yahoo.co.uk      BOOKING : Contact Robert Beck urbanlifeclass@gmail.com (+44) 7913862492 for payment options.

Dirtyboyz Interview

I was recently interviewed by the porn and fetish magazine, Dirtyboyz, which is attached to the well-known “Boyz” publication group, about the 50th anniversary of the partial decriminalisation on homosexuality in England and Wales. 

David Bridle, the MD at Boyz, said about the issue “I’m really proud of the new issue of Dirtyboyz – out today – which marks the 50 year anniversary of the passing of the Sexual Offences Act with a ‘1967 Decriminalisation Special: When gay sex was a crime’. The edition includes an interview with gay therapist David Parker, an homage to Joe Orton by Daniel Warner and a cover feature interview with the great British gay porn photographer Mike Arlen by Adam Clifford – and Mike photographed Adam for our 1960s style black and white cover. Dirtyboyz is for gay adults only and can be picked up now in London at gay shops, saunas and over-18 bars and clubs – and across the UK.”

See the full interview from Dirtyboyz Issue 48 August 2017 below.

David Parker 1David Parker 2

Junkie Living & Dying

Amy dead at 27, the papers have been full of it, but is she any different from a G overdose at Fire or a middle aged gayer on a crack pipe?

It’s easy to sneer at scuzzy street junkies, scuttling off for their next drop while gayers fix themselves up in A&F Muscle Fit, a bump, a line and serial sex. This observation illustrates how we all have a scale of snobbery when it comes to junkie behavior. Someone else is always a benchmark for addiction. If someone is talented like Amy it seems wrong to cuss but if a junkie makes home under a cash machine on the street it’s easy to sound off, look down and snear.

Bears often add to their profiles ‘No druggies’ while they sup 10 pints of Newcastle Brown a night without heeding that alcohol is the oldest known drug. When I was bang at it, junkies were smack-heads, horse dealers, scat boys, skaggies or simply “on the brown”. The lowest of the low after meth drinkers. Now heroin addicts are almost respectable living on benefits, methadone and 6 packs of Special Brew. What a turnaround, well at least it helps the crime figures. Thankfully most gay men don’t go round snatching bags and mainlining in parks but in some quarters gayers at home on the crack pipe is the new hubble bubble of fashion.

Glamorous addiction never lasts, the cheeks soon turn pale. It’s easy to think that gay men just do ‘hands in the air’ club drugs, that they never have to resort to dogs on string, but the reality is that many are out there using to oblivion, nicking to survive, just like a street junkie. Stealing from banks by maxing a credit card and moving on with no forwarding address is no different, the courts would say. We are all junkies on some level but the extra luggage of shame and low esteem that homos bring to the table reflect the present day consumption of goodies that we use to escape fearful feelings, realities of life and viral intervention. Don’t ask, don’t tell. Look where SILENCE has led us – the world of illusions.
The illusion that tight tops and big Muscle Bears are somehow different from the manic street junkie is an epidemic of denial. Whether you score from a phone box or have it delivered by Addison Lee is off no consequence when you use a drug every day. Daily drugs users are not always addicts but they are junkies. Using dry cleaning fluid as a stabilizer is junk. Drug and alcohol dependency is so insidious that no one knows where the magic line is that gets you hooked.
I have seen drug fucks use for 10 years and be able to cut back or cut out within a week while others become addicted to a drug of choice within weeks and can’t stop (and never stop till they OD). Most gayers sit in the middle of social using and heavy using without becoming addicts, but heavy using can still destroy what’s left of your relationships, bank accounts and sanity. Rehabs will tell you that you don’t have to hit bottom with a habit, you can get off at the 2nd Floor, so wise up while you can, the body will only take so much.Think how many times you have gone out without a drink or drug inside you. When was the last time? When did you last have sex without stimulants? ( . . and I’m not talking Viagra). When was the last time you pigged out on comfort food and went on a binge? The propensity for JUNK is everywhere and our lifestyle of no dependents can lead us to junkie thinking of instant gratification, I want, I must have, I WILL have – the illness of self obsession. Tempering our needs and knocking out the wants leads to balanced thinking, balanced lives and less emotional comedowns – which some of you may desire but have no idea about obtaining.
Amy had help thrown at her from all directions but the illness of addiction, blocked her ears. Addiction is not choosy, it hits up the super sexy and the mundane and it’s the illness that tells you you haven’t got it. Recovery starts with ownership, awareness and surrender.
Focus this week on your own junkie behavior, it’s easy to knock someone else’s (especially a partner), try recognizing where you relapse into junkie thinking, acting out and progressive denial. Then consider a game plan for reversal toward more conscious using, for as I’ve said many times before, chems are not the problem, the problem lies in the vessel that consumes them. It’s not what you take, it’s how chems make you feel, and at some point the romance ends and you flat line into oblivion.
Living with a partner with a habit is exhausting, even more so if you join them. They may not die in body but the brain and spirit is gone, taking logic and time with them. It’s easy to think you can help, assist or fix someone, you can’t. Amy is an example of this, for until the junkie shows the white flag the battle sadly continues for all, until death.
Sadly I doubt whether Amy’s death will allow LGBT users to think twice about their own using habits, since using Amy as a benchmark for what ‘real’ addiction is, is a game well played. It’s easy to blame fame as a co-conspirator, or talents beyond management, when the reality is we all believe this stuff happens to other people, not us.