Changing Bonds


When asked to play the challenging role of James Bond, Daniel Craig said; “It’s not like I was trying to be sexy, but I had to get fit so I was able to do stunts. Also I wanted that, if Bond took his clothes off, he looked like a man who did what he did. I thought the only way to do that was to get fit and buff and physically into shape.” So Craig made changes to the character becoming the first hetero ‘Muscle Mary’ Bond, good in a tux but more thrilling than Ursula Andress rising from the surf.

Andress-206x300Watching people transforming lives on film or TV makes better drama than transforming our own, which is why the ‘idea’ of transformation is so infectious. We discover that voyeurism is much easier than taking part, and taking part takes effort, but before transformation takes place we need to observe our own ideas about ‘CHANGE.’ You will be surprised how many people fear the concept. Best to stay put and feel safe and familiar. If your partner, roommate or friend is constantly abusive, a heavy drinker or chem-messy, something unfamiliar like change maybe even scarier. At least with abuse you have survived it, but change? – not sure I can handle that, some may say. When change of circumstance is forced upon us, it’s easy to become defensive of change, as if we have no control, so feelings of helplessness occur. The secret to administer change in your life, is changing the way you think or perceive situations to be.Your relationship with fear is the key to transformation, and Craig’s no nonsense pragmatic approach, toward successful stunt work, provides a body map for success. When I think of all the major changes in my life I have had to endure, in order to learn peace of mind and the release of fear, I see that my vision is constantly moving, swaying and deciding. That’s the benefit of maturity. So I now welcome change and constantly transform myself with ease. It just takes practice.

So the TV genre of interior decoration, selling houses, and transforming reality TV shows are just a taster of what change can bring, but when you do the detail, you will notice one thing: they are not doing it by themselves, they seek help along the way, just as I did. What would be more interesting and productive would be to have TV lifestyle programmes showing us how to lead healthier lives ‘inside us’ rather than the attachments we accrue ‘outside us’ for contentment. It’s true that we need expert guidance and support to tackle new pastures and for the continued maintenance of change, but in the end it’s wise to do it for ourselves, not for someone else or to save a relationship. Making yourself more attractive to you is the true power of attraction.

images 21.53.32In Psychologies Magazine, the Brit comedian David Baddiel talked about being in therapy and how it had attributed to his success and why in Europe people readily sneer at soul searching while no one sneers at hiring a Personal Trainer to reshape the body. This may go someway to you realising that what you see is not what you get when it comes to dating, but remember one thing: you don’t have to be a Muscle Mary or James Bond to ‘work-out from the inside.’ Holding a decent conversation when you don’t think you look your best, can mean holding onto your man, more than the quest for perfection or the taint of lust. Facing fear, like Daniel Craig doing Bond stunt work, means you learn to trust more – that’s the REAL transformation, and where the hard workout begins.

Best if you start writing that FEAR LIST now and JUMP!

This blog first appeared in my regular column at where I am the RELATIONSHIP GUYD.


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