Relationships aren’t just about people, your relationship with money is paramount, as money is often a major component of relationship breakdown, including financial disparity between partners, mentioned in previous blogs. There is a lot of new age waffle in many self help books, without practical support, but the concept of abundance and it’s reverse, scarcity consciousness, is a valuable study to partake. Despite stereotype, every gay man doesn’t go to the gym, have natural decorating skills or have disposable income.
On trips to India, for example, I have met high-end gays in Mumbai, owning apartment blocks, to young gay men living at home in third world conditions, who can’t afford a coke let alone do a line of it. The jury is out on who is happier, money can provide security of sorts, but like that line, it’s temporary and can fuel the need for more, more and still not enough.
It’s not a straw poll, but I found those guys down the financial scale in India, knee deep in gratitude and simplicity, whereas it was great to be shown around silent streets of Mumbai at midnight in a swish car, but the gay guy driving only spoke of excess without wisdom of perspective. First world gays are not always a vision of functionality when it comes to role models or examples to follow.
Credit card concussion occurs in a more public shaming situation, a shop, petrol station or restaurant when your CC is refused because you are over limit. Both these avenues of financial support, support consciousness in operation, not unconsciousness in application.
Best if you learn to know at ‘any one time’ HOW MUCH YOU HOLD in your bank account or CC card, avoiding future self flagellation or guilt. Trust me, living within means doesn’t sound a barrel of laughs but then nor does court judgements or scarpering into ‘not known at this address’ escape routes. Peer pressure and competitiveness occur whatever your financial strata, but an Indian gay guy in Goa only knows what he has in his pocket and stays within limits, he has no other choice, but it pays off in terms of inner peace.
First world gays demand more in the palace of excess, not wisdom. I learnt the hard way myself, going bankrupt for 5 years with no credit. After years of reckless behaviour I cleaned up my drug use and faced the demons of 15 credit cards and 5 overdrawn bank accounts. Like my using I never did things by halves, but that was over 25 years ago, If a hopeless junkie like me can do this – so can you, with less weight above your belt. It just takes courage, awareness and practical application. I learnt my lesson of excess, bouncing into a world of wisdom based on current consciousness and coming out of the coma of delusion.
The palace of wisdom only occurs if you wake up and learn from past experience. It doesn’t come from a self help book, though they are useful in forming a foundation to whether you reside in scarcity or prosperity, and I don’t mean money, the wealthiest people are often poor. Living in emotional and financial balance is essential in maintaining harmony. One is well aware in the West, particularly, that retail shopping consumption has become an epidemic, if not the only hobby for many. It’s just another quick fix drug of choice.
Take time out to look at your bank statements, your credit card bills and your debts to observe the reality of chaos living or living in harmony. Which is it? Maybe your drug use, including alcohol is a better friend than what is before you in the shape of monthly demands on paper. Consider a financial diet by ‘fasting” once a week, skimming what you usually spend if funds are dire. Maybe spend a bit more on yourself if flush.
Hoarding money as a drug is equally counter-productive when living in a mindset of ‘never enough’ and often comes from a family base of scarcity and make do. Years ago, it was published in the 80’s ( but still available ) is a little pocket tome of discovery called MONEY IS MY FRIEND and has been my trusted companion in and out of financial disarray. It’s a bit New Age but I forgive. It’s a precursor of the current ‘Laws of Prosperity’ movement running through Amazon at this time of world authority. I take the bits that gel with me and ignore the bits that don’t. Easy.
People think that double income two-car gays don’t do debt. They do, and many end up like I did, losing everything, so avoid being deceived by appearance. Debtors Anonymous hold online meetings and it’s an avenue to explore, if these things trouble you. As I said in my last blog, support is out there – best if you use it.
If shame is a governing factor, try sharing with someone you trust first, don’t maintain the secret, it leads to all manner of destruction. Depression, chems, bar bills and hiding bills in drawers are common warning signs, so learn to respect money not trash it, for in the end you trash yourself. Making a friend of money creates conscious thoughtful spending, saving more and a decent balance sheet. So start that weekly meeting with yourself and THINK before you spend unconsciously. Inner prosperity is the result.
This blog of mine first appeared on GuySpy.com June 11 2013 http://www.guyspy.com/spend-spend-spend/